Graciousness
The DEFINITION
- Gracious. The quality of being pleasing and attractive; possessing charming and winning grace especially in manner; of character: likely to find favour; of actions: winning favour or goodwill; being courteous and polite with especially condescending courtesy; being merciful and compassionate; possessing grace or moral excellence; endowed with grace or charm of appearance; in a limited sense being graceful and elegant; characterized by kindness and courtesy especially being condescendingly kind, indulgent, and beneficient to inferiors.
- Odious. A quality and manner deserving of hatred, hateful; causing or exciting hatred or repugnance, disagreeable, offensive, repulsive; exciting odium.
- A gracious person is never offensive or haughty, always discreet and modest, and is delightfully charming in every way. They are usually described as a “lovely person”; and they would never behave themselves in a disagreeable way. They have many friends, though they do not pursue them or flaunt them.
- They are always kind, and you feel safe and accepted in their presence. Instead of the discomfort and work of talking to some, they put you at ease completely and instantly.
The IMPORTANCE
- A gracious woman retains honour – she is always respected, valued, appreciated (Pr 11:16).
- But there is also an odious woman (person) who provokes hatred and repugnance (Pr 30:23).
- A good name and loving favour from others – graciousness – is better than riches (Pro 22:1).
- When I am asked what quality attracts others, I will always say graciousness (Prov 22:11).
- As Christians we should be like our Lord Jesus Christ – He was Graciousness, as His Father.
- A beautiful woman without graciousness is as a jewel of gold in a swine’s snout (Pro 11:22).
- Pain in human relationships is always caused by one or both parties lacking in graciousness.
The EXAMPLE
- Our Lord Jesus Christ – the perfect Man – should always be our chief goal in character.
- Jesus grew in favour with God and man – graciousness with godliness (Luke 2:52).
- Jesus had grace poured into His lips, which is a great key of graciousness (Ps 45:2).
- When Jesus returned to His home town, the people heard His graciousness (Lu 4:22).
- Samuel also developed such a spirit – he had graciousness with godliness (I Samuel 2:26).
- Daniel had an excellent spirit without fault or error – he was very faithful (Dan 5:12; 6:3-4).
- David was incredibly gracious long before he ever entered the palace – God had taught him.
- He was a man after God’s own heart; therefore he possessed graciousness from God.
- All the people accepted and loved him and set his name high (I Sam 18:5,14-16,30).
- Jonathan, who was to be king, loved him as his own soul (I Sam 18:1-4 cp Pr 22:11).
The SOURCE
- The Holy Spirit leads and convicts people to be gracious – by His fruit (Galatians 5:22-23).
- The Holy Scriptures describe the character traits and virtues that should characterize saints.
- You can never get started until you acknowledge your sin and repent for odious conduct.
- I can easily divide this church in half with those having an abrasive edge on one side.
- The temperaments are most useful in forcing people to accept verses for them.
- Half of those chosen with the abrasive edge will deny and argue about themselves.
- All that matters is how God and others view you. Your opinion is only selfish pride.
- A great difficulty in ever changing is the stubbornness of most to admit their faults.
The PRACTICE
- Exalt listening over speaking, if you talk a lot. An excellent spirit spareth words (Pr 17:27).
- Speak always with grace, seasoned with salt (Col 4:6; Eph 4:29; Eccl 10:12; Prov 16:13).
- A pure heart provides gracious speech, so keep thy heart with all diligence (Pr 22:11; 31:26).
- Don’t allow even a little folly, which impulsive spirits will try to justify (Ecclesiastes 10:1).
- Exalt mercy over judgment. Manliness or holy zeal is not always condemning (James 2:13).
- Learn each of the fifteen aspects of charity and practice them at all times (I Cor 13:4-7).
- To the odious person, compassion and affection is flattery and effeminate; but they err.
- Never . . . that means never . . . be interested in presenting your own opinion (Phil 2:3-4).
- Meekness is a great virtue we must seek – the lack of interest or effort in self-promotion.
- If you are given to moodiness, you need to rule your spirit; graciousness does not allow it.
- Admire and esteem gentleness rather than despise it as effeminate and weak (Gal 5:22-23).
- Practice with your wife and children, for you will never be otherwise consistently.
| Gracious | Odious |
|---|---|
| Proverbs 11:16 | Proverbs 30:21-23 |
| Sweet | Sour |
| Charming | Irritating |
| Patient | Impatient |
| Merciful | Critical |
| Pleasant | Strained |
| Comfortable | Stressful |
| Agreeable | Opinionated |
| Obliging | Assuming |
| Enjoyable | Endurable |
| Cheerful | Dour |
| Kind | Perfunctory |
| Smiles | Sober |
| Courteous | Insensitive |
| Compassionate | Businesslike |
| Gentle | Harsh |
| Relaxed | Uptight |
| Soft | Hard |
| Warm | Cool |
| Flexible | Stubborn |
| Thoughtful | Efficient |
| Great Listener | Great Talker |
| Very Thankful | Barely Thankful |
| Considerate | Inconsiderate |
| Grateful for correction | Defensive against correction |
| Listens with eyes, ears, mind, and body | Thinking of what to say when she gets to talk |
| Calm and collected | Jesting, babbling, and talking to fill gaps |
| Remembers good details past and present about others | Preoccupied with self and her present and future |
| Willing to do anything cheerfully | Grudgingly participates or rejects activity |
| Modest and self-debasing | Confident and proud of self |
| Forgives instantly and fully | Unforgiving or grudgingly so |
| Genuinely interested in another | Preoccupied with self |
| Thoughtfully kind to never offend | Tends to be abrupt and inconsiderate |
| Accommodating | Demanding, asking, expecting |
| Meek and reticent about praise | Expects and absorbs praise |
| “You look very nice this morning.” | “Are you ill? You look somewhat sickly.” |
| “That is a beautiful dress.” | “There is a spot on your collar.” |
| “Those candies were the nicest gift.” | “My favorite kind has peanuts.” |
| “My husband is a wonderful man.” | “He never notices or does anything nice for me.” |
| “You did an excellent job with the children tonight.” | “I wish you wouldn’t take so long with devotions.” |
| “What can I do to help with your hunting trip tomorrow?” | “Why do you have to go hunting every Saturday?” |
| “May I go to the gun show with you today?” | “You just went to a gun show two months ago.” |
| “We had a wonderful trip. Thank you for asking.” | “I threw up on the plane, and the hotel was dirty.” |
| “The sermon was very good and convicting today.” | “Aren’t we ever going to get out of Luke?” |
| Immediate and profuse thankfulness | Disconnected and minimal thankfulness |
| Often sends a Thank you card later | Seldom thinks of a card for smaller things |
| Believes she is not gracious | Believes she is gracious |
| Never presumes or asks for favors | Easily presumes and asks and expects |
| Never gets angry or ruffled or stiff or offended | Easily gets angry, ruffled, stiff, and offended |
| Never speaks sarcastically or cutting | Easily gets sarcastic or cutting |
| Willingly participates in group events | Shows dislike of choice or withdraws from group |
| Very attentive and giving to inferiors | Condescending, formal and haughty to inferiors |
| Her delightfully charming presence shines | Her harsh, edgy, hard, critical presence darkens |
| Easily overlooks and ignores others’ faults | Verbally criticizes or bodily condemns for faults |
| Wouldn’t cause a scene for any amount of money | Easily makes a scene for “principle” and no money |
| Smiles, laughs, comforts a waitress who spills her wine | Frowns, criticizes, complains, and ruins evening |
| Cheerfully greets husband two hours late from work | Does not greet him, complains, and punishes him |
| Never demands or expects an apology for faults or failures | Expects, requests, demands an apology or punishes |
| Willing to eat French fries when she ordered rice pilaf | Demands her rice and slams waitress for evening |
| Cheerfully changes when husband dislikes her favorite outfit | Makes excuses, complains, and wears it anyway |
| Enjoys taking the extra 10 minutes to talk to the elderly | Cuts conversation short and complains anyway |
| Forgives in an instant and says apology was not necessary | Punishes, forgives slowly, criticizes, and reminds |
| Never interrupts conversations to correct or add facts | Interrupts husband or others for trivial corrections |
| Never says or repeats things about others who are absent | Easily whispers and slights others not present |
| Always has time for anyone and everyone | Too busy and pressed to be attentive or helpful |
| Others say, “She is such a beautiful and wonderful woman.” | Others say, “That’s Brenda. Try to overlook it.” |
| Others say, “It is so pleasant and fun going out with her.” | Others say, “I’d rather not go, if she’s coming.” |
| Men say, “Women like her are one in a million.” | Men say, “Can you imagine living with that?” |
| Always turns conversations to talk about the other person | Turns or allows conversations to center on herself |
| I forgive you; forget about it; I’ve already forgotten about it. | Do you know how much you hurt me? |